Saturday, January 16, 2010
Many a time I have been related to Marianne Dashwood from Jane Austen's classic novel, Sense and Sensibility. Not only because of my emotion ways, but because of my incurable romantic ways that in preferring to focus on what might be, rather than what is. Even the relationship between Marianne and her sister Elinor or alike in so many ways to me and my own sister. Their very way of communicating to each other and looking at things so differently are so like my sister and myself. I've decided to share some quotes from Marianne that I wish I could say myself.
"Pathetic? To die for love? How can you say so? What could be more glorious?"
"That is what I like; that is what a young man ought to be. Whatever be his pursuits, his eagerness in them should know no moderation, and leave him no sense of fatigue."
"It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others."
"At my time of life opinions are tolerably fixed. It is not likely that I should now see or hear anything to change them."
"Esteem him? Like him? Use those insipid words again and I shall leave the room this instant."
"Is there a felicity in the world superior to this? Margaret, we will walk here at least two hours."
"I could not be happy with a man whose taste did not in every point coincide with my own. He must enter into all my feelings; the same books, the same music must charm us both. . . ."
There are many, many other quotes that I could put down here, but for now, I'll just leave you with my favorite poem by Hartley Coleridge
"Is love a fancy, or a feeling? No.
It is immortal as immaculate Truth,
'Tis not a blossom shed as soon as youth,
Drops from the stem of life--for it will grow,
In barren regions, where no waters flow,
Nor rays of promise cheats the pensive gloom.
A darkling fire, faint hovering o'er a tomb,
That but itself and darkness nought doth show,
It is my love's being yet it cannot die,
Nor will it change, though all be changed beside;
Though fairest beauty be no longer fair,
Though vows be false, and faith itself deny,
Though sharp enjoyment be a suicide,
And hope a spectre in a ruin bare."
I know that at this point I'm just writing to myself and no one is actually reading this, but it's really nice to have my thoughts out in the "open" in some ways. It feels like there's less pressure or whatever going on in my head. Anyways, I was listening to this song by Relient K earlier called, "This is The End". It's a pretty good song and one of the lines from it goes like this, "You're not the first thing in my life I've loved and lost, Yeah, I've done worst things that I might be less inclined to really just shrug off." So this song kind of reminded me of some things that have happened in my life. Now, my life really isn't that interesting, but there are some things that have happened that have hurt me, things I've done that I've regretted, things that I've loved and things that I've just shrugged off. I've had my first love and lost it. Having ones first love is one of the weirdest things ever and probably one of the most complicated. I wasn't that young, but I guess you could say I was a bit naive and probably not really sure how relationships work. Anyways, I feel in love, dumb, ridicules, unpredictable, stupid, shameful, and unknowingly in love. I didn't know it until it had happened and by the time it happened, it was to late to do anything about it. Anyways, it ended unhappily for me and I've had to go on with my life trying to act like it never happened. I've just recently figured out that, that probably isn't the best way to deal with it. It happened and there's no pretending that it didn't happen. I can go on with my life knowing that it happened and even taking things from it and learning from it. If I just try to forget about it, than it would have been a worthless experience that just hurt me. But, if I learn from my mistakes and from the guys mistake, than maybe, if it ever happens again, I won't be to hurt next time it happens. A broken heart is bad and it hurts and there's not many ways of getting over it, but acting like it never happened only buries the hurt and pain deeper into your heart causing it to live within you forever. My advice to myself and to anyone that may ever read this would be to learn from your past relationships and to let the hurt out of your heart by talking about it and not hiding it deep within one's self, as I did at first. I've loved and lost, but I'll never forget.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
So the other day I was trying to figure out what that meant. S.O.S. So I looked it up and it's like a distress signal. Sometimes I feel like screaming that. I mean, I feel like a distress signal would be the perfect thing to get you out of a terrible problem or situation. The other day I went out to eat with my father and some of my sisters and I was walking to the bathroom with them and and guess who I saw. The one man that I really can't stand. I don't know why, but for some reason, this guy has always gotten on my nerves and really bothered me. I've known him for many years( probably about five or six years.) and I'm great friends with his sister, but every time that I see him, I get this sudden urge to hit him or something. He's so arrogant and full of himself and he has this way of thinking that he's better than other people. I've let him know how I feel about him, but he just acts like I'm some immature stupid younger girl that doesn't know anything. I walked by him, and at first I was kind of happy because I saw someone else that I know an like, but then I turned and saw his face and disappointment followed. I just don't like to be around him and he always seems to make something seem less fun or enjoyable when I'm around. He's like some kind of kill joy. If only someone could of let me know that he was around the corner in that restaurant or if somehow I would have known, I would have stopped dead in my tracks and not have gone that way. I feel that my whole evening would have been better. Of course, I'm being kind of mean when I say all these things about this dude, he's honestly not that bad of a guy, but we've just never hit it off, and I don't enjoy being around him, and I can't stand the way he's in love with himself, and he seems to always be a kill joy, and he's so annoying, and I just don't like him, so never mind. Maybe some day when I'm way older, I'll finally be able to be kind to him and maybe he'll be kind to me and we'll be friends......yeah right. Anyways, I feel that I need a warning every time I'm about to see this guy, so that I can be ready for him mentally and physically. Some kind of S.O.S. warning of some sort.....